The most joyous time of the year, is also an isolating season of mourning, the poignant reminder of the absence of a beloved child and the unfulfilled promises. Pains and beauties collide in holiday season. The lights won’t fill the darkness that he left behind, but l put them up anyway. Yet, in the midst of this emotional paralyze, I’m unwrapping all the memories, fighting back the tears.

Ever since Joey was gone, I have been praying and asking God to send him into my dream. But he rarely appeared in my dream. On the Thanksgiving of 2014, l didn’t just lose my child. I lost my hopes. I lost my dreams. I lost everything that I wanted and more than words could ever express…One of the hardest things that has ever been required of me was the day that I have to let go as the angels carried him up to heaven.

On the way home from Vegas, we changed the plan and visited Death Valley, because I heard there is a temporary lake called “mirror of heaven”, a miraculous sight of desert oasis at Badwater Basin, after the tropical storm in August, 2023.

My child is not with me. I am chasing him around on earth, hoping desperately to see a sign from him. There are moments in life when I wish I could bring him down from heaven. Spend the day with him just one more time, give him one more hug and hear his voice again. One more chance to say I love you. I’m silly to think that I may see a sign in the “mirror of heaven”. Please, please send me a message from heaven.

The moment I saw the lake, I cried. It was the purest scene I have ever seen. The distant desert mountains stretched forever. The sun lingered on the horizon leaving the marvelous reflections on the shallow water. The water was glassy and calm, in a blaze of color – oranges, blues, vibrant greens…

Does heaven look like this?

I closed my eyes and turned my face against the peaceful wind. Let the wind from the heaven dance around. I heard his voice in the wind and I turned to see his face as I stood silently in place. I saw his eyes in the sunset as its warm colors filled the sky. I held him close in my heart, which split in two the moment he left, one side filled with memories, the other side died with him. But today my heart felt complete.

In tears, I sent a message to heaven:

May the heaven above cradle precious children who left too early in a tender embrace, where joy knows no bounds, and laughter echoes through eternity. May those who are left behind on earth honor their life by living ours.

As I edited this video in my phone, I randomly picked a piece of music from the app. As I finished, I saw the name of the song: I will see you again someday. Oh, my child sent me another sign. Yes, heaven is the home and we are just traveling in this world. I hold you close within my heart today and there you will remain, to walk with me throughout my life till I see you again.