Dear Joey,

Mommy joined a facebook group where parents share stories of their child in heaven. From time to time, there are people mentioning signs of their heavenly child coming back, like a child’s face showing among the Christmas lights, sacred orb, rainbow… All kind of signs. Mommy never believed these. Mommy thought it is their illusions, imagination, false hope, dreaming from a broken heart…

Every day at 5:50pm, I light up a candle on the kitchen counter. 5:50pm is the worst time of a day for mommy. So I light up a candle to calm down myself, talk to you, and to celebrate your new life. Tonight as I cooked and prepared the snacks for the candlelight service at church, I heard something in the kitchen. I looked around and tried to find if David forgot to turn off his train engine, but couldn’t find any toys. I approached the sound and there I saw it. It was from the wall. One of the glasses holding the candle was hitting the candle holder on the wall and made the ding sound. It didn’t stop until I took out the glass and put it back again. And I listened carefully if there was any big vehicle passing by or anything else making the wall shake. But it was quiet. I didn’t know why mommy looked at the clock right away. It was 6:30pm. I forgot to light the candle tonight.

Dear Joey, is that you? Is that you trying to talk to mommy? Suddenly I think of all the signs I heard from other parents. Oh, I choose to believe it is you, just like what other parents believe. Do you choose the Christmas Eve to come back? Do you have a big Christmas dinner tonight? Do you play violin for other children? Do you have a lot of gifts? And do you miss mommy?

The candlelight service at the church is beautiful tonight. David also lit up a candle. I asked him if he has anything to say to you. He looked up and waved, “Merry Christmas, Joey!”

At the end, we sang the Silent Night.
Silent night, holy night!
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child.
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace

Merry Christmas, Dear Joey. Mommy would buy you any Christmas gift you want if you could come back just a moment, like tonight.

Good night dear Joey, and see you soon.

Christmas Eve 2014