Dear Joey,

Mommy had thought I would feel less pain if I get out of house. But I was wrong.

Grocery shopping is a pain. When I pass by your favorite snacks, I want to grab them. You know your brother is even more picky than you. He doesn’t eat any snack or dessert like you. Cooking is actually much easier for mommy now. But I would rather spend the whole day in the kitchen cooking if you could come back and eat a bite, just a small bite. Today I even found organic hot dog in the trader joe’s! How could I never notice that? You had been begging for hot dog. I’m happy you ate the Graeter’s ice cream as much as you wanted in the last month. Now you can eat anything you like, anything, not what mommy wants you to eat anymore. No more supplement, no more pills, no more juicing, no more herbs, only your favorite food.

Clothes shopping is a pain. Now I only shop at the toddlers’ area. But I still go to boys’ area and look at those shirts and pants for 10 years old. Sometimes I see you in the new cloths standing in front of me. Is it warm there like Florida? I don’t want to buy much clothes for your brother because I want him to wear hand-me-down from you. It’s like you are jumping and running before me. But most of your clothes are worn out, especially the pants, because you are such an energetic boy.

Eating out is a pain. I went to Bento today. It is so weird that I eat there without you. We always went there together because it’s one of your favorite places in town, with Mochi next door. I ordered your favorite drink. Mommy always says bubble tea is not healthy. It really tastes good. I was eating my Bento box with tears dropping in the rice, because I was so used to give you all the Tofu in my box. But you were not sitting beside me. Mommy is not used to this.

I bought a massager for daddy today as the Christmas gift. You know he is such a hard working research guy. He works with 3 computers now, one for regular work, one for running the program and another one showing all your pictures and music. I think he will like a massager on his chair. Daddy bought a crystal thing for mommy. I accidentally opened it up before he put in under the tree. It is so pretty. It spins and changes colors, and it lights up at night. I put it by the urn, so you would never feel the darkness.

Dear Joey, remember last Christmas you played Silent Night with your violin group at the museum? Can you please play one more time for mommy this Christmas? oh dear Joey, how many silent nights I need to spend without you until the day we meet again?

Good night dear Joey, and see you soon.